I take you to Kim and Sander’s family.
They have two children. Joep aged 1 and Sophie aged 3. Sander is home full-time, so the childcare allowance is discontinued. A completely logical story.
Except in this case.
Because Sander, is not taking care of his family. Who lies in a high-low bed in the living room. Receives home care twice a day. Has morphine as a daily routine. And, according to the doctors, at most three weeks to live.
Yet the system judges: there is a parent at home, so care is not needed.
As if presence is the same as availability. As if being deathly ill means being able to babysit.
Everyone understands that rules are necessary. But rules without room for humanity become inhuman.
And while this family is going through one of the most difficult periods of their lives, they also have to fight to prove that they are entitled to something that is simply necessary for our child: shelter, structure, a safe place outside this house full of worries.
Or actually, more honestly: Kim is fighting herself to death. Because the extra cost of childcare is weighing in on this situation. Because she worries about how long Sander will be home. Überhaupt still alive.
Because the outcome of the illness Sander has is known. Which ends in the auditorium of the local crematorium.
And although Sander and Kim are made up by me, this situation is not. I have counseled several families over the past two years who experienced exactly this.
I don’t want to “beg” for an exception. I want situations like this to be seen. To be recognized. And that there is an opportunity to deviate from rules that completely defeat their purpose in cases like this.
I collect stories. Your stories.
For a black book.
📘 Real experiences. From real life.
Not to ask for pity –
but to demand change.
A black book that shows where the system gets stuck.
That forces policymakers to listen.
That makes room for exceptions, where they are sorely needed.
➡️ Were you a partner of a terminally ill young parent where child care benefits ceased?
👉 Share your story through these questions
Anonymous is allowed. Short or extensive. It doesn’t have to be perfectly written. Just real.
Because: what we do not tell, remains invisible.
And what is invisible does not change.