Summary (8 min reading time): This systematic review examined how bereaved adolescents maintain a sense of connection with deceased family members. The concept of “continuing bonds” suggests that healthy grief does not mean breaking the bond with the deceased, but rather transforming it.
Three types of connections:
1. Unintended connections These occur spontaneously without the child’s conscious choice. Examples include:
- Sudden memories of the deceased
- Feeling that the deceased person is still present
- Dreaming about the deceased
2. Intended connections Young people consciously look for ways to stay connected:
- Visiting special places
- Keeping personal belongings
- Rituals such as lighting candles
- Talking to the deceased
3. Internalized connections The deceased becomes part of the child’s inner world:
- Feeling that the deceased lives in their hearts
- Making decisions based on what the deceased would want
- Adopt values and characteristics of the deceased
Implications: The research shows that continuing bonds can be a natural and healthy part of the grieving process in young people. Rather than encouraging children to “let go,” professionals can help develop healthy, comforting connections with the deceased.
These findings have important implications for grief counseling, which focuses on transforming the relationship rather than ending it.