I’m looking forward to it!
That’s what the 7-year-old girl said about her mother’s funeral.
But how can that be? That’s heartbreaking, isn’t it, that a child “makes sense” of her mother’s funeral? Does she even understand what is going on?
The short answer is yes!
It makes complete sense for small children to feel like going to a funeral. in fact, it looks suspiciously like a party in the run-up to it:
– we send out cards/invitations
– you get new clothes
– we prepare for people to say something
– we pick out music for the day
– all week long, all kinds of people come by and talk about it (“Wednesday we’re going to…”)
– the people around you are a little nervous about it
And that’s normally only at parties. So that you are looking forward to this and looking forward to it is not crazy. It is important, though, to point out the differences between a party and this one. To give a few examples:
– it is possible that some people will cry (at least prepare for daddy and grandpa)
– at this party we also say a final goodbye (and choose words that the child really understands) to mommy
– this means that mommy is not going home with you, and she’s not going to do anything during the party
– people are going to “sort of congratulate” you (condolences), and by this they mean to say that they are sorry that mommy died
Interpreting these things makes it easier to understand exactly what we are going to do. The experience remains, however, that it is (can be) normal, that children look forward, look forward, feel like saying goodbye to a parent.
So no worries!