What helps a child who has lost a parent? You can ask adults. This British study asked the children themselves.
What was studied
Eleven children and teenagers aged 10 to 18 took part, six girls and five boys. They had lost a parent, from less than a year to just over seven years earlier. Five deaths were expected and six were unexpected. Each child was interviewed alone at home on Zoom, for 24 to 69 minutes. The researchers analysed the talks with a method that builds a theory from the stories themselves (constructivist grounded theory). Grieving children and parents helped shape the design of the study.
What came out of it
The researchers found five themes: what helps, talking on your own terms, a tornado of emotions, trouble getting support, and taking on a bigger role at home.
Children who were allowed to be at the funeral and to see the body found it hard, but useful. They did not regret it. Children who were kept out often imagined something worse than what had really happened. Open talk helped. When adults held things back, it caused confusion and stress. When an adult felt uncomfortable, children held back too. They preferred to talk with other children who had been through the same.
Many children hid their feelings to protect others. Some were praised for staying strong, and that wore them out. They were also afraid of losing the parent who was left.
Support faded. Over time they were expected to be ‘over it’, including at school. A loss was sometimes compared to a break-up, and that felt like denial. Birthdays could still hurt years later. Older children took over tasks at home and sometimes looked after younger brothers and sisters. Some felt proud of that, others were overloaded.
How strong is this
This is a small qualitative study. It does not count percentages, but shows how things can go. The families were found through social media, hospices and bereavement organisations, and the parents gave permission first. So the participants volunteered. They were probably families who were looking for help or coping fairly well. All the children were White British. Younger children, separated parents and other cultures are under-represented. The interviews took place at home on Zoom, where someone can listen in, in 2021 and 2022, with covid in the background. That children who attended the funeral did not regret it says little about children who preferred to stay away.
What this means for practice
- Involve children in the farewell and explain what they will see. In this study being there helped, and being kept out led to scarier images. It was a small group, so offer it as a choice, not a duty.
- Talk honestly and stay available, also after the first months. The child decides the moment. This fits what the children said about support that stopped too soon.
- Make sure there is a place where a child does not have to protect anyone, for example with other children who went through the same.
Read the article (open access) · DOI
Source
Wray, A., et al. (2026). “You feel alone in the world”: Support experiences of parentally bereaved children – A constructivist grounded theory. Death Studies. https://doi.org/10.1080/07481187.2026.2628740