Funeral week with young children
Counseling program for families with young children in which a parent has died.
The toughest week of your life
Finally, you find yourself in the toughest week of your life. Your partner’s funeral week. And even though that may be “far from your mind” for now, that moment is closer than you would like.
And just as bizarre things come at you during the preparation, so too do many things come at you during the toughest week of your life. Between arranging your partner’s funeral, the funeral director asking all kinds of complicated questions with all kinds of tight deadlines (what a bad word in this situation), family and friends coming to visit and what not, you also have to make sure that the care for your children continues. You want everything to be perfect, a dignified farewell that does justice to your loved one’s memory. But time is running out, and every decision feels like a leaden task. You find that you hardly have time to grieve yourself, to reflect on the immense loss you have suffered.
Your children look at you with questions in their eyes, questions that sometimes you don’t have answers to either. You do your best to stay strong for them, to guide them through this difficult time. Your children are doing the same. They do their best to be strong for you, to support you as best they can. And they do that by putting on their mask. Who helps you, when you’re busy arranging one funeral – the cards, the location, the casket, the addresses of all the relatives, the flowers, some kind of day planning, food, laundry, other household matters, to also keep an eye on the kids. And even though you put yourself in the background, your sister comes to help you, you are overflowing with everything that needs to be done and is coming at you.
Guidance
What can you expect in this track?
I am there every day, preparing the children for the funeral day. I explain what will happen, what to expect and how they can relax on that day.
In addition, I am accessible via WhatsApp during office hours, so a quick question is quickly asked and answered.
We go on a field trip to the funeral home. Because let’s face it, there’s nothing more exciting than a place “where there are a lot of dead people,” right? It can be a bit overwhelming – especially for small children – anyway. Lots of people (some you know, some you don’t), different emotions than normal (not only in themselves but also in the adults). And besides, 9 times out of 10, the door through which you go into a hall is not the hall through which you go out. Those are things that are useful to go and check out once beforehand. There is enough that comes at you during the funeral day, to have these kinds of things in addition to it.
I support what the children have prepared for the funeral. From putting down the drawing and lighting a candle to singing along with a song. Everything is possible.
If you want, I can inform school/nursery and/or BSO. Teacher and management have protocols from which they want to know things. I can take those arrangements off your hands. I’ll give them some extra tips about grief in the classroom right away.
Who am I
Who provides this care?
My name is Richard Hattink, grief educator and founder of Knowledge Center ToThePoint. At the moment I also provide funeral services for families in your situation, but that is slowly being phased out in order to focus even more on counseling children during this time.
I have been working in the funeral industry since 1998, so I know exactly what is involved in organizing a funeral and what choices can be made (often in advance). After getting my Pabo diploma, I did the master Ecological Pedagogy in which I graduated on children who lose a parent. I spent about 15 years in worked in secondary special education and college education, but working with children who have a parent losing is where my heart truly lies. In 2015, I developed I therefore funerary toys to be able to discuss death with children.
Meanwhile, I give lectures and trainings at home and abroad on the use of funeral toys and how to let children be an active part, of this intense period. The most important part of my work is to ensure that children are involved in everything related With dying and funeral week.
I have the knowledge, experience and resources to give you Family hand in hand to guide the upcoming, turbulent period. I know what you are facing and How the children can relate to this.
Want to know if I am the right person to guide you as a family? Invite me for a no-obligation introduction.
Coloring pages
“Talking about it” is mainly something for adults. Although children need an explanation, they mainly “process” through play. This is why toys, booklets or coloring pages on this topic are so incredibly important. You can download the coloring pages here.
Book tips
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Dear Grandma Fluff
From Dick Bruna: a booklet for children ages 1 and up about a deceased grandmother. About a grandmother rather than a parent, but it does help you get into a conversation with your little one about this topic.
Frog and the little bird
By Max Velthuijs: a little book for children ages 3 and up. Accessible, understandable and it dwells on the roller coaster of happy and sad thoughts and feelings of children.
The end of Someone
By Floor Bal: a booklet for children ages 4 and up. Answers all questions about death.
Flux and the Stone
By Eva van Asperen and Richard Hattink: a booklet for children ages 4 and up that deals with the terminal illness and death of a parent.
Death
By Nelleke Moot: a booklet for children ages 4 and up. This booklet explains burial, cremation, death “an sich” and language understandable for this age.
When grief visits
By Eva Eland: a booklet for children ages 6 and up about grief and comfort. This booklet helps to reduce the fear of grief.
A booklet by Pimm van Hest: for children ages 5 and up. Yolanda’s mom died. Yolanda goes looking and gets help from all the sweet people around her.
Sloop sails on
By Lore Vonck: a booklet for children ages 6 and up. This booklet very lovingly explains why people commit suicide and how to deal with it.
That’s a lot for a cat
By Judith Viorst & Fleur van der Weel: for children ages 4 and up, about cat Roetje who died and was buried. The main characters make a list of things why Roetje was such a nice cat. This booklet helps and motivates you to record your own memories.
Meeting without obligation
Do you have questions about this course, want to know if it can be covered by insurance, or just want to make an appointment for a no-obligation introduction?
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