Deathly ill with young children

Counseling program for families with young children in which a parent will soon pass away.

You have been told that your partner is going to die soon.

A mixture of panic, dejection, fighting spirit and disbelief falls over you. Survival mode kicks in and from that mode you must – literally and figuratively – care for your sick partner and your children. The period you have left together is short, although no one knows exactly how long it will be until the real goodbye, the dying, announces itself. Things that you have always put off must be arranged, and quickly too. How long you have left is not known, but what you have to do and what you have to choose about is.

  • You will have to tell your parents, your friends and … the children.
  • What you can still do to make “memories for later.
  • When the “funeral week” – the week between death and funeral – arrives, there are bizarre decisions to be made in little time.
  • The children must be able to have their share in the decisions, think along, participate, experience….

Tour Guide

You want someone to tell you what, where and how to arrange it. That someone helps the children in understanding the concept of death; that their father or mother is dying. That you are taken through the regulatory issues in small steps and have one person for all your questions. You are looking for someone to help the children understand this period and ask their questions, so they can participate at their level as best they can. You want to be taken through this new country by a tour guide, so to speak. Making your own choices, but based on the necessary information.

Guidance

What can you expect in this track?

Once every 14 days we have an appointment, to take care of everything that comes at you.

In addition, I am accessible via WhatsApp during office hours, so a quick question is quickly asked and answered.

I agree with your child, what materials I own he wants to use (toys, booklets, coloring pages, etc). You may borrow that, so you can still use it (even when I’m home). I will, of course, give you tips on how to use and deploy it.

I help capture memories for later (such as writing letters for your children, conducting a short interview with your partner) In this way, you are helped with what your partner is most reluctant to do: leaving things behind “for when you are no longer around.

Preparing the children for the funeral (and the tasks they can perform in it). From making drawing (for on the casket or card), to singing a song. I prepare [and participate if necessary].

Establish the funeral wishes. The more that is established, the more room you have in the funeral week itself.

Together we look at who from your own network can assist you, so you don’t have to fix everything on your own!

If you want, I can inform school/nursery and/or BSO. Teacher and management have protocols from which they want to know things. I can take those arrangements off your hands. I’ll give them some extra tips about grief in the classroom right away.

Who am I

Who provides this care?

My name is Richard Hattink, grief educator and founder of Knowledge Center ToThePoint. At the moment I also provide funeral services for families in your situation, but that is slowly being phased out in order to focus even more on counseling children during this time.

I have been working in the funeral industry since 1998, so I know exactly what is involved in organizing a funeral and what choices can be made (often in advance). After getting my Pabo diploma, I did the master Ecological Pedagogy in which I graduated on children who lose a parent. I spent about 15 years in worked in secondary special education and college education, but working with children who have a parent losing is where my heart truly lies. In 2015, I developed I therefore funerary toys to be able to discuss death with children.

Meanwhile, I give lectures and trainings at home and abroad on the use of funeral toys and how to let children be an active part, of this intense period. The most important part of my work is to ensure that children are involved in everything related With dying and funeral week.

I have the knowledge, experience and resources to give you Family hand in hand to guide the upcoming, turbulent period. I know what you are facing and How the children can relate to this.

Want to know if I am the right person to guide you as a family? Invite me for a no-obligation introduction.

Coloring pages

 

“Talking about it” is mainly something for adults. Although children need an explanation, they mainly “process” through play. That is why toys, booklets or coloring pages on this topic are so incredibly important. You can download the coloring pages here.

Book tips

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Dear Grandma Fluff – Dick Bruna

As a parent, your greatest desire is to protect and support your child even when they are going through difficult times. The book “Dear Grandma Fluff” was created especially for toddlers ages 1 and up to help them cope with the loss of a loved one.

This story, told in simple words, is about the death of a grandmother. With familiar characters and easy language, it is easier for your little one to express feelings and ask questions about this difficult subject. The colorful illustrations offer comfort and make the story understandable, even for toddlers.

By reading “Dear Grandma Pluis,” you create a safe space where your child can learn that grief is normal and grieving is part of life. This booklet can help discuss loss, cherish fond memories and provide comfort for both your child and you during this difficult time.

Reading this book together creates a moment of connection and understanding, which is invaluable for your child. “Dear Grandma Fluff” is not just another story, but a helping hand – a way to help your child understand that love endures even when someone is no longer around.

Frog and the little bird – Max Velthuijs

As a parent, it is important to help your child understand and deal with the emotions associated with loss and grief. Frog and the little bird is a wonderful little book written specifically for children ages 3 and up that focuses on the theme of saying goodbye. In this story, Frog, along with his friends, finds a dead bird, and together they give the bird a loving farewell.

We recommend this booklet for its simple and clear language, which is perfectly suited to young children. The familiar characters, such as Frog and his friends, provide a sense of security and recognition, which is essential for children in this age group. The clear and colorful illustrations reinforce the characters’ emotions, making it easier for children to understand what Frog and his friends are going through.

The story offers a valuable lesson about dealing with loss, and shows that sadness and joy are often close together. By following the story, children learn that it is okay to be sad, but that it is also okay to cherish beautiful memories and move on with the support of friends.

In addition, Frog and the Bird encourages children to express and discuss their own feelings. This is a crucial part of their emotional development, as it helps them learn to deal with complex emotions in a healthy way. The booklet thus creates not only a moment of comfort, but also of connection between parent and child.

In short, Frog and the Little Bird is a heartwarming and educational booklet that gently conveys important life lessons. It is a booklet that will appeal to and support both children and parents during difficult times.

The End of Somebody – Floor Ball

Death is a difficult but unavoidable topic that must be discussed with children sooner or later. The End of Someone, written by science journalist Floor Bal, offers a valuable and accessible way to discuss this complex topic with young children. This booklet explains step by step what death means, from what happens to the body to the meaning of a funeral.

We recommend this booklet because of its clear and understandable explanations, which are enlightening not only for children, but also for parents. The booklet is carefully put together, with beautiful illustrations that support the explanation and approach the subject in a respectful way. This makes it not only informative, but also comforting, as it helps ease fears and uncertainties surrounding death.

The End of Someone offers practical tips and tools for having conversations about death, which is particularly valuable for families dealing with loss. The author succeeds in breaking taboos in an empathetic and accessible way, allowing for open and honest dialogue about death.

In addition, this booklet is not only an informative guide, but also a source of comfort. It helps children to better understand death and provides parents with the tools to guide them through it. It is a loving and respectful approach to a subject that is often difficult to discuss, but indispensable for the emotional well-being of both children and adults.

In short, The End of Someone is an indispensable guide for anyone who wants to learn about the inevitable part of life in an understandable and caring way: death. It provides a safe space for children to ask questions and share feelings, and helps parents have these conversations in an open and loving way.

Flux and the Stone – Eva van Asperen and Richard Hattink

In an accessible and loving way, the terminal illness and dying of a parent is described for children. The booklet goes on to offer ideas for creating memories and expressing emotions. Play therapist Eva and grief educator Richard have combined their expertise to create a valuable resource for families facing this difficult situation. They offer practical tips and advice to support children with their feelings, and encourage open communication to facilitate the coping process.

The booklet also includes creative activities, such as making memory boxes and writing letters, that help children express their emotions and maintain a lasting bond with their parent. By sharing stories and working together on these projects, families can find a sense of connection and comfort during a time of loss.

In addition, it provides parents and caregivers with tools for engaging in difficult conversations, and addresses the different ways children grieve. The booklet emphasizes the importance of patience and understanding, and offers support for adults to fulfill their role as a beacon of stability and love.

With their combined knowledge and experience, Eva and Richard have created a valuable resource that helps not only navigate grief, but also build resilience and hope for the future.

Death – Nelleke Moot

Nice informative booklet that deals extensively with various topics appropriate to the subject of death. Attention is given to such topics as what is death, burial and cremation, dealing with loss, coping options and how dead is dead? Information is given – through recognizable examples and understandable stories – in which all ways of thinking about death (and everything to do with it) are kept open and respected.The booklet also includes interviews with experts from different fields, such as grief therapists, clergy and scientists, who share their insights on what death means in different cultures and religions. Also included are practical tips for people struggling with grief and loss, such as breathing exercises, rituals and ways to keep memories alive. Each chapter is supported by beautiful illustrations and photographs that visually enhance the text and help the reader better understand and process the information. The booklet is a valuable resource for both adults and children seeking answers and comfort during difficult times.

When grief comes to visit – Eva Eland

Pracy and accessible picture book about grief and comfort for young and old.
Sometimes Grief comes along unexpectedly. It follows you and comes so close that you can hardly breathe. You can try to hide it. But it is as if you have become Sadness yourself. Try not to be afraid of it: give it a name. And then it turns out that this unusual guest need not be what he seems….
A perfect book for talking to children about emotionsand feelings. It helps them understand that sadness is a natural part of life and that it is okay to feel sad sometimes. The beautiful illustrations and simple text make it an accessible story for children of all ages.

Parents and teachers can use this book as a tool to open conversations about emotions and teach children how to deal with their feelings. The book encourages children to recognize, express and embrace their grief, rather than ignore or suppress it.

Giving grief a name gives children the opportunity to personify their feelings and talk about them as if they were a friend they want to learn to understand better. This can help lighten the emotional load and provide a sense of control.

Everywhere and Somewhere – Pimm van Hest

With a renewed sense of peace and belonging, Yolanda returns home. She now knows that her search was not in vain. She has learned that love is never lost and that the memories of her mother will always accompany her. Yolanda decides to share her story with others, hoping it can also offer them comfort and strength in times of loss. And so her mother’s love continues to live on, in the stories and hearts of everyone Yolanda meets.

Sloop sails on – Lore Vonck

Sloop and Big Boat are close friends. Together they sail across all seas and rivers. Until Big Boat suddenly sails against a big rock and disappears into the water. Sloop is sad and confused. How should he proceed now? Is it normal what he is thinking and feeling? What has happened? Why? Sloop and his friends embark on a journey together through the unknown grieving process. Each boat grieves differently, feels different emotions, but they learn to understand each other. They help and support each other when one of them struggles. The lighthouses on the coastline, with their great light, show the way and give hope. Sloop sails on is a unique story about the grieving process after a suicide . It shows how the boats, each in their own way, deal with loss and grief. As Sloop navigates the waves of emotion, he meets other boats who have also experienced their own loss. Each encounter brings new insights and a deeper understanding of his own feelings.

During his journey, Sloep passes several ports where he finds solace and wisdom. In the Harbor of Memories, he learns that cherishing beautiful moments can help heal wounds. In the Bay of Emotions, he understands that it is okay to be sad, angry or confused, and that these feelings are part of the grieving process.

Slowly but surely, Sloop discovers that he is not alone. The other boats, each with their own story, form a fleet of support and understanding. Together they sail to the horizon, where new adventures and hope await.

“Sloop Sails Onward” is a moving and hopeful story that takes the reader on a journey from grief to recovery. It emphasizes the importance of community, understanding and finding light in the darkest of times.

That’s a lot for a cat – Judith Viorst

That’s a lot for a cat” is the touching story about cat Roetje, who has died and has to be buried. Together with his mother, the main character makes up ten things why Roetje was such a nice cat. Ten things, that’s a lot for a cat! The memories of Roetje bring the family closer together. As they flip through old photos and share stories, laughter and tears fill the room. Each anecdote reminds them how special Roetje was and how she enriched their lives with her presence.

From her playful leaps to the sunniest spots in the house to her gentle purr during cold winter nights, Roetje’s impact is undeniable. Her love of chasing paper balls and her curious nose that was always in everything provided endless moments of joy and surprise.

One by one, the ten things are noted: her tireless playfulness, her comforting presence, her funny pranks, her soft paws that always demanded a stroke, and many more. Each item on the list is a celebration of her life and the love she gave.

At Roetje’s grave, surrounded by flowers and small memories, they say goodbye. But in their hearts she lives on, for the love she gave is a lasting treasure that will never disappear.

Cost

What does this cost? An important question! And so let’s answer it tothepoint: There are three different paths you can take. They are detailed below, with the corresponding monthly financial commitment.

You enter into a trajectory for 3 months. That means you take 3 months of basic / 3 months of complete or 3 months of all-safe. After that you can adjust your package. If after three months no more help is needed, you can of course stop your package. Is there a death within an ongoing 3-month course? Then the duration is stopped. You are then no longer held to the purchase period of 3 months.

 

Basic

1x monthly appointment at a location of your choice (±75 min)

Reachability via Whatsapp Mon-Fri 09:00-16:00 hours

Borrowing materials (such as toys and booklets)

Monthly mailing (12 months)

Additional appointment €145

Telephone consultation per (part of) 15 min €45

including 50 km mileage allowance

 

€150 per month

Complete

2x monthly appointments at a location of your choice (±75 min)

Reachability via Whatsapp Mon-Fri 09:00-16:00 hours

Borrowing materials (such as toys and booklets)

Monthly mailing (12 months)

Access to online environment

Additional appointment €125

Telephone consultation per (part of) 15 min €40

including 125 km mileage allowance

€250 per month

All-safe

2x monthly appointments at a location of your choice (±75 min)

Reachability via Whatsapp Mon-Fri 08:30-17:00 / Sat 11:00-13:00

Borrowing materials (such as toys and booklets)

Monthly mailing (12 months)

Access to online environment

Additional appointment €85

Telephone consultation per (part of) 15 min €25

including 125 km mileage allowance

€300 per month

You can also choose “on call” appointments. These appointments take place at a location of your choice and last up to 75 minutes. The investment for a single appointment is that €145.

By the way; do you live outside a 45 travel minutes radius from Castricum? Then you pay €10 per 15 minutes travel time. This is in addition to any extra mileage allowance (0.23 per kilometer).

 

Meeting without obligation

Do you have questions about this course, want to know if it can be covered by insurance, or just want to make an appointment for a no-obligation introduction?

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